Put the L to the O to the R to the D.
Lord C Kensington that's me.
My house has sixty-eight floors inside.
My Garden's five thousand acres wide.

I look at my friends through a piece of frosted glass.
And when I pass the girls they stare at my moustache.
I've got a coach that is driven by a driver and horse.
And aristocracy is what I endorse.

I've got a huge staircase; I've got a servant's
quarter, and a brand new steamboat for when
I'm on the water.
Got my fire burning, my carpets lined with
thread, got giant chandeliers and a king
sized bed.

I host weekend parties and dinner dos.
Jeeves works nightshifts polishing my shoes,
It takes me two hours to get up my drive,
If you don't pack rations you won't survive.

Introducing the Earl of Chutney

Yo Chutters, how's it going, what's new?
I've got a hunting lodge for me and my crew.
Why, just this morning I shot a bear
I'll have it turned into a velvet chair
Good sirs, my best ever scones
to replenish you from a journey so long.

TEABREAK!

Thank you Jeeves

I play cricket with the Lords and Tennis with the Earls.
My racquet is encrusted with the finest of pearls
I've got a croquet mallet and a cricket cap,
And here is the conclusion to this jolly good rap.

So if like me you want to be an Aristocrat,
Grab your cane, fit a monocle, and wear a top hat.