How to Get Kids to Move in the Hallways by DoSomething

So here you are, it's 4th period, you got out of Pre-Calc late, and you need to get to your French class as quickly as you can. But, alas, there is a cluster of both upper- and underclassmen in your way. How ever shall you overcome such great odds as the mass grows and grows with each new individual adding to the problem?

Worry not, stranger, there is hope. I don't know about your school, but my school has some key areas where all the kids (mostly being freshmen) just tend to clutter and cultivate like bacteria clusters. Places like the IMC (short for "Instructional Materials Center", where you can find both the library and most of your teachers' desks), right outside the cafeteria, and even in stairwells. For some reason, they just...stand there doing nothing. 2500 kids need to get to class, and 500 of them are blocking the way. Good luck filtering these 2000 kids through the tiny holes in these packs of wild and rabid sophomores.

But, like I said, there is hope. The first and easiest way is simple a second route. Even in a medium-sized high school like mine there are always alternate routes that will more than likely get you somewhere much quicker than the original. It's nice, simple, and effective. But in some cases, either these moronic kids cluster there too, or there's no access to these routes. How's a guy/girl to manage with this?

Say you're trying to get to the next hallway, and the cross-traffic is really Frogger-esque. It's just plain suicide to try to run across, and you're bound to run across a jackass who goes out of his way to bump shoulders. So what do you do? Simple: DISTRACTION.

And don't even think I'm kidding, cause I'm not. A nice, simple, bloodcurdling scream can make a hallway move. But don't be limited to such dramatics. Another way to go is saying something extremely embarrassing in hopes that the people around you will just move out of your way. I've tested both of these theories out many times. It works very well.

Lines are always an issue. So, as upperclassmen, we at Westside completely abolished the idea. Need to get your fries really quickly? Go ahead, squeeze yourself in you little rascal! Get a group of your friends, as many as you can get, to just not make any lines. Now, in cases like paying for your food, lines are only necessary due to that damned adult supervision. But what happens between A and B remains vague. So do whatever the hell you want!

High school is a crazy time full of friends, homework, and hair growing in awkward places. Be sure to have fun no matter what the situation, and always look for the bright side in anything you go through. Whether using a freshman as a shield, or being the freshman, have a great time through your higher education.

- Neil H. Orians (AKA DoSomething)

September 2006